worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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