While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
