this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
