yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
