we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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