So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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