Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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