I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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