Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My feet surprised me
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