apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
