dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just cut my nipple shaving
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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