Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
