found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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