The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
