That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
