am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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