Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
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I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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