Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
