My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
