tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
