if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
