I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Green mimosas i think yes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
