I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
