Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
