No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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