why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
