the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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