At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He passed out mid-signature
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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