Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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