Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
