I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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