I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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