im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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