Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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