what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
