at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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