You can't motorboat a personality
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
