Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
