just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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