in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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