u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
