He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
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talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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