Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
