my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize