Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
