good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
