We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
