Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
