did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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