Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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