She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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