I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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