need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
