dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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