fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
