I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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