JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
