I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
