LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
