U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
